Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
