I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
