so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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