Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
