I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im part way to drunk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
