Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
