my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
