i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
