so that wasnt chicken after all
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
