Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
