she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
