my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
