I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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