I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
