u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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