what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
