Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
