Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
