this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
