some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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