why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
too bad you live with your parents still
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
