My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
