YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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