I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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