im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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