omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
