weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
