the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We need to get me chipped asap
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I party with great urgency now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
