i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
