Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
