i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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