remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
