i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
