I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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