why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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