last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
