Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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