i barfeds in our rink
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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