Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Enjoy the penises
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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