Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Your dad touched me again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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