Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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