STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
