I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
