singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
