I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
