He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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