I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
