I hope mine doesn't look like that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
