We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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