sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
