Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
