You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
