R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
