I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
